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 Trying to liven up your sex life? Got a burning question about sex toys? Want to know how to better satisfy yourself and your partner? Our online sexpert is here to answer all of your questions and give you candid advice about all things sensual and sexy!Submit Your Question Check out the Sexpert Archives |
| | Current Questions & Answers |
| | Q: Hi. My libido is at an all time low and I hate it! I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we have mind blowing sex, but for the past few months it has been infrequent because I simply don't feel like it! How can I get my sex drive back? Anon A: There are so many reasons your libido could be lower than usual, that it's hard to know where to start! Anxiety and stress are a huge mood killers - never underestimate the effect these factors can have on your sex life! The tough part is, sometimes we don't realise we are stressed until it begins to produce medical symptoms. Some medications (especially depression medication) can kill your libido. You could also be going through hormonal changes, or your body just might want a hiatus for a few months!
I would reccommend that you speak to your GP about your concerns and have a thorough medical check to put your mind at ease. If you get the all-clear from the doctor, try improving your diet to include more fresh, nutrient rich foods, and schedule some 'you' time to relax each evening before bedtime. Spend some time alone - whether it's in the bath, reading a book, whatever. If you're relaxed, well nourished and healthy, and don't have any medical issues, your libido should return in time. When you do decide you're ready to try sex again, put some serious couple time aside (no quickies) and make sure both partners have lots of foreplay.
More importantly, try not to let your lack of interest have a negative impact on your relationship. Demonstrate to your boyfriend that you're making every effort to improve your libido, and ask him to respect your lack of desire for the time being. This should not mean he misses out - try giving him a blowjob, handjob or boobjob, or even watch some porn together - you just might find yourself becoming more interested! Try to remember that his desire is not diminished like yours, so do your best to satisfy him in other ways. |
| | Q: What is gonzo? Mark A: When we talk about gonzo in porn, we're not referring to the muppet with the long nose and a bizarre love of chickens!
Gonzo is a term for pornography that gets right to the sex - with no or very little plot. It's a very popular porn genre for those who want to get right into the sex action at the outset! |
| | Q: I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and I have never had an orgasm. I really wanna know I can have an orgasm because my boyfriend thinks I am not enjoying the sex. I love the sex but I have never had an orgasm. PLEASE HELP!!!! Alison A: My first suggestion would be to get to know your body before you try and orgasm with your partner. Set aside some quiet time when you won't be disturbed, have a bath and then get into bed.
Try touching your body lightly, and learn which areas of your body give you pleasure. Women have erogenous zones all over the body, so you can experience some pleasure without even going below the belly button!
When you are feeling aroused and sexy, move south and play with your clitoris and vagina. Start of by rubbing lightly, increasing intensity as your desire increases. You should find that rubbing your clit will bring on orgasm, but like everything - if you're trying too hard to cum, you won't. Relax and enjoy the sensations in your body, even fantasise if you like. Push your worries aside and concentrate on sexy thoughts and the sensations you feel.
Once you have practiced some masturbation, you'll soon learn ways that your boyfriend can make you cum. Women have an entirely different experience of sex than men, so perhaps sit him down before you get to the bedroom and explain what turns you on. The more you communicate with him, the better sex will be for both of you. Be as careful as possible to highlight to him that all women like different things, so your explaining this to him doesn't mean he's not good in bed!
Kissing and cuddling, leading to stroking and touching and perhaps even oral sex will mean that by the time you get to penetrative sex, you'll be so turned on that you're more likely to cum. However, bear in mind that it takes most women time to learn how to relax and what works for them - not many women can have orgasms as soon as they start having sex! Good luck and enjoy! |
| Q: About 4 years ago my wife was treated for cancer of the vulva. Treatment has been "successful" but has left us unable to enjoy intercourse due to scarring from radiation. Also, three sessions of surgery has left my wife feeling sexually scarred and embarassed about her genitals. Occasionally she masturbates me, but I greatly miss the intimacy of mutually enjoyable sex.
I would like to try using a vibrator to give sexual pleasure to my wife (we have not used one before) but I have no idea what to look at. Penetration is out of the question, but her clitoris is still sensitive to stimulation.
Do you have any suggestions?Troubled A: It is understandable that your sex life has suffered after what you've both been through.
My advice to you would be to firstly try and enhance intimacy between you in a non-sexual way. Try holding hands, cuddling, talking and listening to relaxing music together. These things should not necessarily be pre-sex activities, but a demonstration of your love and connection. If your wife feels that she has a strong intimate connection with you in a non-sexual way, she is less likely to feel embarrassed when it comes to the bedroom. A woman needs to feel beautiful to get the most out of sex, so do your best to show her how beautiful she is to you.
When it comes time to try out some bedroom play, I recommend one of our personal massagers or bullets for clitoral stimulation. Check out our Female Stimulators department for a range of options. I'd also suggest investing in a quality lube (the Pjur range is great).
I wish you the best in re-invigorating your sex life and your relationship. |
| | Q: Hi, I'm an 18 year old man. I like to masturbate by myself everyday now and I feel that 'cos I'm doing this, I'm getting a small penis and a lot more erections. My penis has been circumcised. Is this a problem? Confused A: It's perfectly normal for a guy of your age to masturbate a lot. There's nothing to worry about. There's also no relationship between masturbating and the size of your penis or the size of your erection. I don't know where you got these ideas but they are fallacies. Circumcision also is not a factor. There are circumcised penises that are very large and uncircumcised ones that are smaller than average. This is more a matter of natural endowment than the external factors you mention. It wouldn't hurt to do some reading about these subjects so that you're clear in yourself about them and then when you start going out with women and wanting to get involved sexually, you'll be a lot more informed. In the meantime, relax and stop worrying. |
| | Q: I am an 18 year old boy who has problems rising to the occasion. Whenever I am with a girl and I am about to have sex with her, I can never get an erection but when I am alone in my room, it's not a problem. I must also tell you that I am not a virgin. I have had sex 2 times. I think it's because of all the stress but I am not sure... I really need your help. Thank you. Nervous A: At your age, impotence is unlikely to be caused by anything other than stress and anxiety. Also, the big clue is that you're able to have an erection on your own which proves there's nothing faulty with your equipment! When you had sex successfully those two times, was anything different? Obviously you were able to sustain an erection long enough to be able to have intercourse so why is it not working now? Have you had more stress in your life recently for any reason? It's quite understandable that you might lack confidence and get nervous when you're about to make love but that will change with time and experience. Even much older guys than you can suffer from what we call 'performance anxiety'. The trick is not to let it become a habit, which will be difficult to shake as time goes on. It doesn't sound as if you have a set girlfriend but are engaging in a series of casual encounters. That could be part of the problem - that you are a bit shy and haven't yet got a partner you can trust. Try to relax and don't worry about this situation too much. It's too soon to see it as a problem but if stress is an issue for you, that's a different matter. You could change your lifestyle a bit and manage stress a bit better on a daily basis. |
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